A Not-so-New Kind of Normal

I am not really sure there is any such thing as "normal", but I am sure of what my "normal" is, or rather, what it was.  My "normal", before Grayson, consisted of working on Mondays and Thursdays and being a stay at home mom the other days of the week.  I also watch a little boy, Henry, a couple days a week.  I have small group on Wednesday nights, Community Group on Tuesday nights and my hubby has bible study on Monday nights.  We usually try to go out together on Thursday or Fridays.  And we hang out with family and friends on the weekends.

That aspect of my life hasn't changed.  Which is weird to me because I feel as though my whole life has changed and that my daily life should reflect that.  Ultimately though, Grayson never came home, so I didn't change my daily routine.

I came home and my days continued on like "normal" on the outside, but so not normal on the inside.  And somehow, I wanted my outside life to reflect what my inside was feeling.  But how am I supposed to do that?  I don't want to cry all the time, though crying is good and necessary.  I don't want to give a false sense of "life goes on" because while life does go on, it doesn't go on in the same manner it once did.  I didn't want to be happy all the time because I do have times when I am overwhelming sad, but I wanted to be happy because I have so much joy-- even in my sorrow! Like this song by Darrell Evans...

Though the sorrow may last for the night,

His joy comes with the morning!

I have sorrow, but I also have joy and I wanted my "new kind of normal" to reflect that.  So what does that look like?

It's really simple actually.  Live like Christ.  That is all that I have to do.  Live like Christ.  Be willing and open to share my life with others.  Be willing to share my joy, my pain, my happiness and my sadness.  John 13:15 says "I have given you an example, that as I have done, so should you do."  And what did Jesus do?  1) He loved God, the Father and did His will, no matter the cost.  2) He loved people.  He did these two things while still doing life.  Jesus worked, he was a carpenter.  He ate dinner with His friends.  He took care of His family.  He laughed, He wept, He got angry, He even grieved.  He did all these things.  And He should be my example of how to move forward in my "new normal".

So for me, I keep going to work on Mondays and Thursdays and staying at home the other days of the week.  I keep watching Henry a couple days a week.  I keep doing my small group on Wednesday nights and my community group on Tuesdays.  Damon keeps going to his Bible study on Monday nights.  We keep going out on dates.   We keep hanging out with friends and family on the weekends.  We do all these things while 1) Loving God the Father and doing His will, no matter the cost and 2) Loving people.

If I do these things, I don't have to worry about my life looking normal... because it isn't normal... it never has been normal... and it never will be normal.  If my heart isn't normal, and believe me, a true Christian life is anything, but normal, my life will reflect that.  Even if my routine stays the exact same.

I feel God is doing something in my life and in my heart.  I feel Him...