8 Weeks and Blessings

This week was good. I had my last "test" this week.  My doctor wanted to make sure that there wasn't anything that we missed that was wrong that would have sent me into labor like that.  Everything came back normal.  I am torn over this answer.  The human side of me wants an answer and wants to know why my body did what it did, but the other part of me, is so glad that something wasn't wrong.  I am so glad that my body should be able to have more babies without any complications.  I know there is no guarantee, but my doctor really believes that it shouldn't.  So, that's good news.  His last words to me before I left on Tuesday were "Well, I will see you again when you are pregnant!" with a huge smile on his face.  What words of hope!! Brought joy to my heart to know that he has faith that he will see me again, carrying another little life! Eeeek!

Today marks 8 weeks since we said goodbye to Grayson.  It still feels very surreal.  I still, at times, have a hard time believing that I won't be bringing a baby home in October.  It still makes my heart sad and I think it always will.  As I have continued to read the book "Anything", I am challenged by Jennie's words.  God is constantly pointing me towards Him through this book.  Funny how this book isn't even about grieving... Yesterday, I read the following statement: "On the other side of the pain is freedom, peace, joy, hope, the loss of control, and it was how I was made to live."  WOW!  If I keep giving everything to Christ, I can enjoy those things now.  And you know what, I am finding all of those.  I am finding freedom in releasing control.  I am finding peace in my past and future.  I know that God is in control and that gives me peace that passes all understanding.  Each day, I am finding more and more joy.  I have a beautiful little girl who is so fun to watch and play with.  Her little life is showing me what unrestrained joy really looks like.  I have a husband, who despite my stupidity and stubbornness, loves me unconditionally.  I never worry about him leaving my side.  I have a God who loves me exactly where I am.  I know I will fall again and try to hold on to things that I need to let go, but He will never let me go... and that brings me GREAT joy!!  Hope... man, I have hope in tomorrow.  Even if tomorrow doesn't go as planned.  I have hope because God has made me some promises.  And I know He is going to keep them... He is my refuge and strength and present help in time of troubles. (Psalm 46:1)  He gives me strength when I am weak. (Isaiah 40:29)  He is a faithful God. (Deuteronomy 7:9) I am promised eternal life. (1 John 2:25) He promises that no one can take away my joy. (Psalm 16:22) He has promised me everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)... And the list could go ON and ON!  There is so much hope in a life focused on Christ. All these things cause us to lose control. And when we lose control, we allow God to work in ways that we never imagined!  And this is how God created me to live.  Wholly dependent on Him.  Life is just better with Him.  Then, I can really and truly enjoy the blessings that God has given me.

A handsome hubby...

Sweet baby girl...

 A great family... (my bro is MIA in this pic)

A great house, a great job, overall, good health... I really have LOTS to be thankful for.  I hope you can look at the blessings God has given you.  Even if  you only got to enjoy them for a short time, like our little Grayson!