Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Pink or Blue?!

Life around the Woodward house has been busy, to say the least.  I have been really overwhelmed with this pregnancy.  I think that I just have so many emotions surrounding it that I tend to just shut off all emotion... and then I am pretty numb to it all.  And then, it comes out as frustration at times.  And then I just cry because I don't feel like myself.  I have really struggled with being super excited about it all.  Don't get me wrong, we are definitely excited about having a baby, but I am still grieving a lot.  We just passed the 6 month mark of having Grayson and giving him to Jesus and that is NOT that long!!  On top of that, (and this may be TMI for some of you) but since last December, I have only had 1 period!! And that my friends is A LOT of hormones!!!  So if you see me, and I just randomly lose it, please remember that!!  Please just remember to keep me specifically and my heart in your prayers.  I am in a place of feeling like if I am too happy, I am not remembering Grayson and if I am too sad, then I am not being happy about this baby... and neither one of those is true.  My prayer is just that Christ fills my heart with joy again.... TRUE joy!  Within the context of true joy, I can be happy or sad because joy comes from the heart and isn't a wavering feeling!  And true joy only comes from Jesus and trusting in His plan for me!  So, please join me in praying for joy, amongst the continued health of me and this baby!!

Ok...Moving on!  I don't know why, but I was nervous about this appointment.  I think I was afraid that they would find something wrong that they had missed before... And we had to wait for a good hour and a half before going back to see the doc.  Once back there though, God immediately relieved this fear as the doctor did the ultrasound, measuring head circumference, skin thickness, length of bones in arms and legs, length of feet, etc.  Everything was PERFECT!  The baby is right on track.  He showed us the little face.  What a sweet little face!! And what an active little thing!! The baby was moving non-stop, just like Collins was at EVERY appointment!!  I just smiled contently watching the screen as I saw this little life moving away inside me.  What a surreal moment.  It is every time, but this time, even more so given the circumstances.  He then moved on to tell us whether Collins and Grayson were going to have a little sister or brother.  I had my suspicions, but I had pretty much kept those to myself!! :)  At first, the umbilical cord was in the way, so he went to looking at the other things and came back.  Then he came back to look again, and the cord was still in the way.  I said "come on Jesus, please let us see!"  And the next time he went to look... We got a really good look!!  And we found out!!!  Watch the video below as we announced to my family the news!


So, the candy that fell was all different colors, but the suckers were all one color!! :)

PINK!  It's another sweet baby girl!!

Now, let me just share with you, we felt that no matter what we heard, it was a little bittersweet.  We really wanted a boy because that is what we lost, but we really wanted a girl because we didn't want to feel like he would "replace" Grayson.  But we have trusted that God knows our hearts and our emotions and would give us EXACTLY what we needed, so we couldn't be more excited that He choose to bless us with a beautiful baby girl! And last, but not least, her name.

Kinley Pearl Woodward

Her middle name is after my grandma, one of the sweetest ladies you will ever meet and someone who has demonstrated Christ to me and our family for many, many years!!  We pray that she grows up to be much like my grandma!

Well, that's it for tonight!  Sorry to keep you waiting!! :)  Again, we covet your prayers for my joy, our hearts and the continued process of healing and for the on-going health of me and sweet Kinley!

Monday, November 5, 2012

Expecting Blessings

In one of my previous posts, I wrote about expecting suffering (click here to read about it).  As I said in that post, we, as believers, should not be surprised by suffering.  In fact, we should expect it.  Christ Jesus suffered much in this world.  In contrast, we should also expect God's greatest blessings.  And that is just what the Bible tells us to do.  Hebrews 11:6 says "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him."  So you see, as we earnestly seek Him, He rewards us. And James 1:17 says "Every good and perfect gift comes from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." I love that verse.  Everything good that we experience in life comes from a good God who DOES NOT CHANGE.  Doesn't that bring such comfort?!  While most people we know change day in and day out, we have a God who is consistent and doesn't waiver in turning our hearts towards Him.

Damon and I have been in a time of suffering.  And it has been the hardest place we have ever been in.  We have had to continually turn towards Christ and look to His face to find peace and comfort.  While walking through this time, we have also been expectantly waiting a time of blessing.  But as Hebrews says, blessings only come as we earnestly seek Him.  So that is exactly what Damon and I have been doing.  There are several things that we have been praying specifically for:
  • That we honor Christ with Grayson's life
  • That each of you learn more about who our God is by hearing this story that God is writing for the Woodward family.
  • That God would redeem the month of May for us.
  • That we would TRUST Christ with His plans- no matter what that looked like.
  • That we would remember that our God is sovereign.
  • The God would bless us with more babies... and quickly.
  • That we would not be fearful.
  • We would continue to be parents to Collins who let her see who Jesus is.
We know that Christ was capable of all these things, so we entered a time of expecting blessings... and waiting.  And on September 4, we got an answer!  This is the card that I gave Damon that day.

We found out we are expecting Baby Woodward #3!  We knew we wanted it to happen quickly, but we had NO idea that God would bless us that quickly.  Our first appointment was September 25... 4 months to the day of losing Grayson.  As you can imagine, we were pretty nervous for this appointment.  We earnestly prayed that we would hear a heartbeat and I even made them assume my due date was a week later so that we would be safe.  We went in and heard the best little heartbeat! :)  Much to my surprise, I was just 6 weeks along (I thought I was more like 9).  And they gave us a due date of May 18, 2013.... Just one week before Grayson's glory day!  Our prayers had been answered... We asked God to redeem May for us and in our minds, this was redemption at it's finest!

So as of Saturday, we are 12 weeks pregnant.  How am I feeling?  Nauseous most days... which I am thankful for!  I didn't feel sick with Grayson at all so I think God knew that I needed to feel a little sick to have some peace.  And EXHAUSTED!  Hopefully, now that I have finished the first trimester, I will start to feel some relief!  Emotionally, I am nervous.  I am overwhelmed.  I am scared.  I really haven't gotten too excited... I know that sounds crazy, but I think that I am just protecting my heart.  In love.  I am already so in love with this baby.  This baby does not in ANY WAY replace Grayson and what we lost, but this baby is a blessing and we are so thankful for this life.  As we go through the next 6 months, here is what we are specifically asking for prayer for:
  1. That God would allow us to bring this baby home in May.
  2. Health- My health and the baby's health.
  3. Our hearts.  That God would calm our fears each day- especially as we approach week 20.
  4. Trust- that we would trust God with this baby's life, just like we have with both Collins and Grayson.
  5. Joy- that we would really be able to let go of the fears and experience pure joy!
Here is a picture from when we went and shared the news with our little boy.  We know that he will be the best big brother to this new baby... I mean, he is an angel watching over each of us and what more could you ask for in a big brother?! Or in Collins' case, a little brother! :)

I can't end this post without saying thank you to all of you.  I know that so many of you have been praying for us each and every day as we have walked this path.  And those prayers mean the world to us... And we have felt them.  We see the face of Christ as we see how you all, our Christian family, have rallied around us.  We wouldn't be here without you.  So, thank you, thank you, thank you.  You will never know the love we have felt as you guys have grieved with us and now rejoice with us.  We love you all!

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need you will abound in every good work."
2 Corinthians 9:8