Project 1- The downstairs kids/game-room. Anyone who has been to our house knows how badly I have wanted to finish this room since we moved into this house 3.5 years ago! I just knew that I didn't want to settle... so when I had a little extra income come in from a huge project, I told Damon I knew right what it was going to... a new couch! That with a little help from Christmas $, I was able to complete the room!! Woohoo!! We went from this:
To This! :)
And the Kids Corner... separated by the couch so they have their own little spot! :) PERFECT!!
Next Up... Collins' Big Girl Room... And then Kinley's nursery... Woah... Stresses me out!! We only have about 3 more months to go! Crazy!!
And speaking of pregnancy, I am feeling great these days! HUGE, but great!! :) They say you gain faster with each one.. and seeing as I was just pregnant with Grayson, my body never got back to "normal" so I am definitely bigger this go around, but I am not complaining. Big baby, but healthy baby!! Kinley is currently measuring over a week ahead of schedule, which I am totally ok with!! :) She is perfect though! And active, just like her big sister was! I'm telling you, I just know Grayson had my laid back personality and both my girls are going to be crazy hooligans like their daddy!
Emotionally, I had a MAJOR breakthrough. The circumstances of how this occurred was not good and definitely not a proud moment, but I really feel like God used it as a "red-flag" moment that I wasn't truly trusting Him with EVERYTHING. I spent a good several hours crying it all out. I had to realize that I still miss my baby boy and will every day for the rest of my life here on earth, but that doesn't mean that I can't ever be really happy again. I think at times I felt like if I was too happy, I was forgetting about the sorrow I felt, which meant that I was forgetting Grayson. I am slowly realizing that God never told me to forget, just to find joy in all circumstances. Easier to say than do. I am in the process of slowly, but surely, enjoying each and every moment. I can't even tell you how refreshed I feel. I am finally enjoying being pregnant again... and every minute isn't a reminder of what I lost. I am finding so much joy in my almost 2 year old, who brings more laughter than I ever thought possible. She seems to just know when mommy needs some loving. The other day, when I told her I loved her, she responded by saying "Lub you more mommy". Bestill my heart. And she is a daily reminder that we will not forget little brother. She constantly points out things, whether it be his lovey (Manny, the monkey) or mommy's tattoo of Grayson's little feet and says "Grayson, Grayson" and smiles big. What a blessing that even though she doesn't really know what has happened, she knows she has a little brother! What sweet sweet moments for this mama's heart. Storing up these moments and treasuring each of them in the time I have left with just one sweet baby girl at this house.
Keep the prayers coming. God is healing my heart. I know it will never fully heal this side of heaven, but I do know this... I know that my God is in the business of renewing hearts and revealing Himself. I know He cares deeply about me, about Damon, and about all 3 of my kiddos. And in that, I can stand secure!
