With those times though, I know there are times around the corner when people will ask, "How many kids do you have?" or "When are you thinking about #2?". And I will have to answer... and I have been thinking about how to answer that without making it totally awkward... followed by silence. Just what should my answer be? I don't really know... Anyone who has gone through something similar, I am open to suggestions. For now, I have decided to say, "Well, I have 2 kids. A little girl, Collins who is 18 months and a little boy, Grayson, who is in heaven." Or something along those lines. I love saying that Grayson is in heaven because, even though it may be followed by an awkward silence initially, it opens the door to sharing about Christ! And for some reason, when people hear you have lost a child, hearts are softened (and so far in my experience) more receptive to hear what is to follow. Which for me is a story about my GOOD God! When people ask about when we are thinking about #2... I think about saying "Oh, we think about him all the time!" Hehe! Not sure what people would think, but it is the honest truth!
On another note: I CANNOT believe that my precious baby girl just turned 18 months!! We are officially closer to 2 than 1 now... and that is UNREAL!!! She is such a ham and I just love her to pieces. I swear, losing Grayson has definitely made me a better mom to Collins. I am better learning how to cherish every moment I have with her and not let the dishes (or an unmade bed) get in the way! And who wouldn't want to miss out on the laughs this little girl brings!! She really is a funny girl! :) My current favorite photo:
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Some of her favorites right now:
- Food- Anything... though the last couple of days she has been asking for hotdogs... :) She loves her snacks and knows where they are in the cabinet. She runs over and points and says "snaack snaaack"!
- Words- Animal noises mostly... she knows puppy, kitty, rabbit, lion, octopus, rooster, monkey, birdie... and grandpa. See the video! :)
My dad clears his throat all the time, so she started copying him! :) We think it's pretty funny!!
- She loves to give hugs and kisses... and she usually says "awww" when she hugs you!
- She loves her books! She has an animal one that she loves (cause she knows all the sounds) and she also loves "A Very Hungry Caterpillar" and "Clifford"!
- She loves her friend Henry who comes to play with her a couple days a week.
- She LOVES her Grandpa (my dad) whom she has taken on calling "Papa". She seriously knows when we are coming around the corner to their house and starts yelling "Papa, Papa!!"
- We had to turn her carseat around... you are supposed to wait until after they turn 2, but she is seriously so long that her legs were all scrunched up... I waited as long as I could, but she just looked pitiful back there!! She loves being able to see everything and face forward now.
- Even though she doesn't completely understand what happened with Grayson, I think she totally grasps the things that were his and represent him in our house. For example, the monkey below is one of the things that we had brought to the hospital with us. We have several of them, but every time that Collins sees it, she says "Baby" and hugs it and says "Aww"... And she does the same with my tattoo-- though she doesn't hug it! :) Also, whenever I play the song "Glory Baby" by Watermark, she looks at me with really wide eyes and starts crying. No other song does that. Just that one. It's like she knows that something is sad about that song. I love that her sweet heart is sensitive to losing Grayson, but also glad that she will never "really" know what happened.
- She doesn't really love her toys... I mean, she gets more joy out of pulling the off (help my OCD heart) the shelf than actually playing with them.
- She LOVES being outside! She says "side, side" all the time and cries when we have to bring her back in.
- She absolutely adores her daddy! He makes her laugh more than anyone and seeing the two of them together just melts my heart to pieces. She hears the garage door open about 5:30ish and says "Dadadadada" and starts running for the door and literally, jumps into his arms! It is the sweetest thing ever!
- She is stubborn... and determined... She may or may not get this from me! ;) She will literally sit with the buckle of a seatbelt, grocery cart, life jacket or whatever and work to get it fastened. As soon as she gets it fastened she says "Huh-pooh" which means "Help, please" for us to undo it so she can start again. Comes in very handy while shopping-- entertains her for a good half hour!!!
- She has good manners... She says "Thank you" and "pooh" (please) all the time!
- She is good at using the two signs that we have taught her, more and all done. :)
- She loves going to bed and never cries when we lay her down. When we say "Let's go nu-night", she repeats, "Nu-night, Nu-night", picks up Elly (her elephant) and Manny (one of Grayson's monkey's that she inherited) and heads that way. She usually puts Manny and Elly in the crib and then tries to climb in herself!! It is pretty cute!
- And last, I can already see her working out what is right and wrong. I know that Jesus is already working on molding her heart. I can only pray that Damon and I help point her in the right direction.
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